A Date With Modern Art

CHARACTERS

BILL

ANNA

SETTING

Just inside the doors of a modern art exhibit.

A Date With Modern Art

[BILL and ANNA have been at the modern art exhibit for just under an hour.  They are classmates who were assigned to critique the positive aspects of a particular sculpture for an Art 101 class.]

BILL

Why exactly do we have to do this again?

ANNA

Because Professor Wells wants us to and we both need the extra credit.

BILL

I don’t need anything.  I just came along because I knew you wanted the company.

ANNA

Please, who are you kidding?  You came along, because you skipped the last four classes and you’re facing academic probation. 

BILL

This conversation is boring.  Can we switch to a more interesting topic?

ANNA

Like what? 

BILL

Like why you won’t go out with me.

ANNA

Well, you’ve asked me out like forty times, it seems a little desperate. 

BILL

If you’re gonna throw out accusations, can you at least be accurate?  I’ve only asked you out about twenty-five times. 

ANNA

Sorry, I’ll remember the stats the next time I turn you down. 

BILL

Dude, all I want is a reason!

ANNA

Look, you’re a nice guy, but it just wouldn’t work.

BILL

Why?  Do I smell? Do I have something in my teeth?

ANNA

No, you know why. 

BILL

I know why, huh?  Is it because I’m a slacker and you’re Miss Dean’s List?

ANNA

No, we have been over this before.  What part of ‘We wouldn’t be compatible’ don’t you understand?

BILL

Ya see, it’s those big words you use, like compatible.  My pea-sized brain just can’t comprehend them.

ANNA

Oh come on, you don’t give yourself enough credit.  Surely your brain is the size of a golf ball not a pea. 

BILL

Oh, you’re too kind. 

ANNA

I know.  Now, lets get back to the business at hand.  What emotions do you think the sculptor was trying to invoke in this piece? 

BILL

I don’t know.  Maybe he was having an identity crisis. 

ANNA

How do you mean?

BILL

Dude, you can’t tell what the heck that piece of crap is. 

ANNA

I’m sure there is some symbolism involved, that a caveman like you wouldn’t be able to understand.  Your thoughts don’t go any deeper than who won the big game or how you can scratch yourself without getting caught.

BILL

Oh, I’m that deep am I?

ANNA

We both know that guys only think about two things, how to get girls and where their next meal is coming from.

BILL

I resent that comment.  I am actually a very sensitive guy. 

ANNA

 Oh yeah? Prove it!  Why don’t you take a serious stab at that question?

[BILL scratches his chin and walks around the sculpture thoughtfully]

BILL

Hmm… Lets see… I think he was angry when he made this piece.  See the way he’s angled the structure of the piece?  The steel beams aren’t very uniform.  There is a single base and the beams protrude in all sorts of directions.  Maybe it’s a metaphor for his rebellion against modern society.  Maybe he is trying to tell us that we can’t always do what we are told or what we think is proper.

ANNA

Are we talking about the sculpture or our relationship?

BILL

Ah ha!  So you admit we have a relationship.

ANNA

If you can call it that.  You only hang out with me because you feel obligated to.

BILL

Don’t be so silly.  This has nothing to do with obligation. 

ANNA

You are getting paid, aren’t you?

BILL

I’d give back the money in a heartbeat and you know that.

[BILL grabs ANNA’S hand and squeezes gently.  ANNA lets him linger for a minute, but then pulls away]

ANNA

Come on, Bill.  I know you wouldn’t.  You don’t make enough money at the University Bookstore to pay rent otherwise.  And I know my mother, too and she wouldn’t let you quit.  She’d be too afraid that the university wouldn’t handle things properly. 

BILL

I’ve convinced her, I’d quit tomorrow if it meant you trusted the feeling that I have for you and the feelings I know you have for me.

ANNA

Don’t be stupid.  Like I said before, it would never work between us.  We are just too … too…

BILL

Perfect for each other?

[ANNA puts her hand to her forehead in feigned shock.]

ANNA

Bill, have you been watching romantic comedies behind my back?

BILL

The one time I try to have a serious conversation you decide to act like a goof ball. 

[ANNA moves slightly ahead of him and bumps into another sculpture.  The tires of her wheelchair hit the corner of the base and nearly knocking it over. BILL reaches her side in seconds, righting the sculpture before it could fall.]

ANNA

See this is what I mean.  You don’t deserve me.   You don’t deserve to be saddled with some one like me.   You have to admit that a relationship with someone like me would be rather one sided.

BILL

You know you are right.  I don’t deserve you.  I don’t deserve to be with someone as pig headed, as uptight, as infuriating, or as smart, beautiful and funny as you. 

ANNA

Oh, you’re just saying that.  I know I’m not your type.  You go for future playboy bunnies not for someone like me.

BILL

Gee, Anna, you sound like you are trying to convince yourself of something.  Maybe you really do like me, but you are afraid to let anyone else in on it.

ANNA

I’m not afraid of anything! 

BILL

Then how come you can’t let yourself be happy?  How come you can’t just be…

ANNA

Be what?

BILL

An actual human being, with real human emotions.   Do you always have to be perfect?

ANNA

Who do you think you are?  You have no right to talk to me this way.

BILL

You said yourself we are in a relationship. This is how a person in a relationship talks when the other person is driving him up a wall.

ANNA

Gee, I didn’t know I was that bad.

BILL

You’re not…I just wish you could forget about the chair for once.

ANNA

Easier said than done.

BILL

I know, but it doesn’t have to define every part of you. It doesn’t always have to matter.

ANNA

It matters to me and to a lot of other people; especially to those idiots you call friends

BILL

What do they have to do with anything? Who cares what they think?

ANNA

You do…I know how hard it would be on you if they found out we were together.  They’re not exactly members of my fan club. It doesn’t take rocket scientist to see they think I’m some stuck up princess.

BILL

Maybe, I wasn’t clear, I don’t care what they or anyone else thinks and neither should you. Oh and by the way, how can they find out we’re together if you won’t even let me take you out on a real date.

ANNA

Are you saying I’m over analyzing things?

BILL

You, over analyze, never!

ANNA

Ha ha, enough with the sarcasm.

[ANNA shoots BILL an exasperated glance over her shoulder]

BILL

Oh, I know what that look means. You’re done talking and once again I’m forced to sweep this conversation under the rug and pretend it never happened,

ANNA

That’s a little harsh don’t ya think?

BILL

It’s the truth; you forget we’ve had this conversation before.

ANNA

You’re not being fair.

BILL

And you’re not being honest. Your hesitation has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with you.  The possibility of a relationship scares the heck out you.  You’re afraid if you let someone know the real you, they’ll bolt and you will end up alone.

ANNA

Who are you and what have you done with Bill?

BILL

You wanted me to be more serious didn’t you?

ANNA

Yeah, about the assignment.

BILL

Don’t stop me now; I’m on a roll.

ANNA

I think you need to slow that roll, we still have a lot of questions about this sculpture left to answer and the exhibit is gonna close in a hour.

BILL

What’s the next question?

[BILL says with a slightly defeated sigh]

ANNA

Wells, wants to know what we’ve learned from viewing the exhibit.

BILL

You first. What did you learn from this little adventure?

ANNA

That things aren’t always what they appear to be. I started the day with one opinion of this piece and I’m leaving with a completely different one

BILL

What was your opinion to start with?

[BILL says with an arched eyebrow]

ANNA

It was just a random configuration of parts with no real direction or purpose. At first the intentions of the sculptor seemed unclear. Having more of an opportunity to look at it from different angles has changed my opinion.

BILL

In what way?

ANNA

You told me earlier that the sculptor must have been angry when he constructed this piece but I don’t buy it.  He seems very deliberate and thoughtful. He took the time to construct an outer shell of steal beams, they protects the liquid center that is suspended in mid-air by fishing wire. At any moment the wire could snap and the center could fall through the beams and shatter.

BILL

I agree…sort of.

ANNA

Sort of?

BILL

Well, I don’t think the wire snap and even if it does it won’t be the end of the world.

[BILL turns away from ANNA and walks towards the door ANNA put a hand on his arm to stop him]

ANNA

Wait, why?

BILL

Why what?

[BILL says distractedly]

ANNA

Why won’t it matter if the wire snaps or if the center shatters? Are you even listening?

[BILL throws up his hands slightly and turns to face ANNA]

BILL

Does my opinion really matter anyway? You’re getting a better grade than me, just write down whatever you want. I have to drive you back soon. You wouldn’t want your mom to worry and need I that pay check.

ANNA

I really would like to know what you think.

BILL

Is this a test or something?

ANNA

Well, no of course not.

[ANNA shifts uncomfortably in her seat. She forces her gaze to meet Bill’s]

BILL

Liar.

ANNA

Just answer the question, please.

BILL

Why is it so important?

ANNA

It’s not…I was just…

[ANNA looks away from BILL]

BILL

You were what?

ANNA

I was just reconsidering my position.

BILL

On what?

ANNA

Whether or not that date you wanted is in the cards

BILL

Well, is it? Do I have to start saving my money now?

ANNA

Hold on… it all depends on your answer to my question. Why won’t it matter if the wire snaps or if the center shatters?

BILL

Well, if the center falls, it’s made of rubber and will bounce back and there will always be some one like me around to catch it.

ANNA

Good answer.

[BILL gives her a confident smile, knowing that he finally reached his goal]